Blurring the lines...

A strange dream today, and I guess they all are, but quite seriously one that seemed to be a reminder of the events taking place in my life at the moment. In fact, When the alarm rang at 5 am, I wasn't sure what it was because in my dream I was reaching for my phone in an attempt to answer the call. It's only when I realized that I had said "Hello" three times, and that it was still ringing, I jumped out of bed and opened my eyes. I didn't even know that I was sleeping because things were frighteningly similar to the way they've been in the last couple of weeks, and it was like some kind of twilight zone, or Matrix-like experience where I had to sit up and think about what went on...not knowing a dream from the reality that surrounded me.

There were several scenes that occurred before the alarm on my phone, the tone of which I set as a "classical" phone ringtone. And there were all sorts of little things happening in terms of trying to get business up and running. Now, I realize that after saying that, you're probably going, "Well, what they hell ARE you doing now?" and I know this requires a bit of background. So, here goes. I've joined a franchisee of the professional training and development wing of a two-wheeler manufacturer here in India, and I am trying to make this venture profitable. The designation I have been given in Centre Head, and quite frankly, it's nowhere near what it should be like. Was that better?

The one scene that jumps up at me is that of a list of names, on a sheet of paper, which is half tucked under the telephone so that I remember to call all of those people, is laying on the table kind of smiling at me. It's an urgent enough task and I do mean to get to it, but as is often the case, I happen to have other things that demand my attention. Pretty soon, I'm caught up in an endless discussion with my employer and a group of his associates, and I happen to maintain a quiet stance and not poking my head into the main business plans, when suddenly, out of the blue, my employer looks at me and goes, "Did you call all those people like I asked you to?"

I freeze for a second, which doesn't matter because my heart's doing 150 mph, and I end up opening my mouth and inundating the air around me with "uh's" and "um's". This is followed by a bit of a stern look, with a dash of, "I'm really disappointed that you didn't do as I specifically asked you," kind of look, by which time I'm already scrambling to get on with it.
And, quite honestly, this is the way that things have been in the last couple of months...wait, didn't I say "Weeks" before this? Same difference. All I know is that I'm not getting things done, and that I'm operating on a skeleton diet, and I'm not getting enough sleep, and basically, the gloss has worn off and revealed to me a lot of things that I should have first considered before I joined. Hmm...

But what to do, eh? Alors...

In case you're wondering why I would let a boss's stern glance upset me, this is a family business, I'm not family, and this job was gotten through a friend of my father's...extended family. Lots of hidden emotions and things at play, especially in this country.

Anyway, it was the merging of dream and reality that got to me because even though I sat there scratching my head, trying to figure out what had happened, I wasn't sure if I was dreaming that I had woken up, or if I was sitting there wishing I was still asleep and that life and everything around me was still a dream. Wow! He he he...

Scrutinizing who I be

It seemed to be a doctor's office. I don't remember what kind of doctor, but I suspect he had something to do with functions relating to the head. No, not a head doctor, although I'm sure I could use one right now. And, I don't remember a whole lot about the rest of this "examination". The most vivid image from this dream, however, is that of examining my inner ear.

Now, I have had issues with things like excessive wax in the ear canal, so I wasn't surprised to see a similar story when I looked inside. Eeew! Sorry. But here's the weird thing. I was looking inside my own ear. And it was as large as a tunnel, no pun intended. I mean, I was walking around for what seemed to be an awfully long eternity. But there were huge pieces of earwax and other filth inside, stuck to what seemed to be select spots all around. It wasn't like a rat-infested sewer or anything, don't get me wrong. It was more like a Ninja Turtles kind of sewer with the odd section a bit dinged and missing a brick or two, except that instead of bricks missing it was a bit of crud that stuck out. Few and far between, you get the picture. And, after that unnecessarily graphic description, I just wanted to say that it was very weird and I didn't quite know what to make of taking a closer look at myself...in the ear! Well, now that I think about it, thank God for it being the ear, eh? ;-)

The first explanation I could come up with was that I had lots of little bits of things that I had to deal with in my life, and because the ear was all I could remember, well, that maybe I had issues with listening to people and should make a better effort of it. Or, should it be that I wasn't listening to myself? Typing this out right now, it's rather scary how apt this interpretation is to the current state of affairs that I call a life. But weird all the same. Why me? WHY ME???

;-)